This Has Nothing to Do With the Name of Love

Anyone who knows me, whether in real life or on the internet, and anyone who has ever spoken to me for more than 42 consecutive seconds, and pretty much anyone in earshot of my office or my front yard, knows that there is a three way stop in front of my house which is the source of untold aggravation to me. 

In case there's some confusion (people of Columbia, I'm talking to YOU), let me make clear right at the outset, this is a stop sign:

When you encounter this sign while operating a vehicle, you are required to stop your vehicle.  To some of you this may seem like a blinding flash of the blatantly obvious, since the only instruction on the sign is, in fact, STOP, but apparently there are quite a few of you (yes, people of Columbia, I'm talking to YOU) who do not understand this directive.

The word stop is defined as follows:

1.	to cease from, leave off, or discontinue: to stop running.

2.	to cause to cease; put an end to: to stop noise in the street.

3.	to interrupt, arrest, or check (a course, proceeding, process, etc.): Stop your work just a minute.

4.	to cut off, intercept, or withhold: to stop supplies.

5.	to restrain, hinder, or prevent (usually fol. by from): I couldn't stop him from going.

6.	to prevent from proceeding, acting, operating, continuing, etc.: to stop a speaker; to stop a car.

The more savvy readers will, perhaps, notice a common theme in the above definitions - they all suggest cessation of action.  It's possible, however, that some people (yes, YOU, Columbia) aren't great with completely clear, utterly cogent definitions like this. Perhaps some concrete examples of what stopping DOESN'T mean would be helpful. Stop does not mean:

1) slow down to the actual speed limit, check to see if that *#&^!%@ cop is there today and then speed up again;

2) blow through the intersection without pausing, while simultaneously pretending not to see the sign; 

3) slow down to some speed above zero that you deem acceptable;

4) speed up and proceed into the intersection without pausing in an attempt to make a right turn before the person trying to back out of her driveway directly across from the intersection can get in front of you; or

5) scream up to the sign at full speed and make a hideously executed K turn (though can it technically be considered a K turn if it takes you 6 cuts to make it?) in the center of the road without pausing at the stop sign, but coming to a complete stop cross-wise across the intersection.

And in case even these explanations are not sufficient to help you determine whether you have actually stopped your vehicle, I offer one final clue. If you see a crazed homeowner standing in her yard shaking her fist and yelling "it's a GODDAMN STOP SIGN," possibly accompanied by a two and half year old doing the same (and now you all know where he got it from), you may not have done it right.

Comments

[Karen]

The post title made me lol.

[Dan g]

6 turns is an asterisk turn, not a K turn :)

and I can see you and your son standing there - pretty funny. My daughter did something similar in the car one day, my wife was behind some people at a red light which had just turned green and the then 2 year old says "Green means GO, PEEEEEPLE"

[Tara Youknow]

Has anyone ever told you you're funny?