The Bomber learned to read awhile back, and is now reading like a demon, assuming there's some demon whose evil power is reading books about dinosaurs and Hot Wheels. At first I thought this was an awesome idea, but like that whole walking & talking thing, it seemed better in theory than in practice. All this reading has really put a crimp in our spelling things we don't want him to know, and it's made it hard to claim there's no hot dogs on a restaurant menu. But I digress...
The reason I mention the Bomber's reading skills is because while his are improving by leaps and bounds every day, it appears that mine have been seriously deterioriating. What make me think that, you ask? Well, there's this sign in the street right in front of my house:
When they first put it up, I thought it read "Road Closed." I always understood those words to mean something like, "we don't want you to drive past this sign, because the road beyond is not meant to be used right now." Also, that little orange sign? I thought it read "Detour" which I always understood to mean "drive this way instead."
Apparently, though, I need to go back and take some kind of remedial reading course. Because the rest of the world (or at least the rest of the people who drive down my street) are apparently reading these signs differently. If I'm correctly understanding the proper interpretation of these two signs, "Road Closed" actually means "drive around this sign, and the one at the other end of the street, too, because we know you're far too busy and important to go 60 seconds out of your way." And that little orange sign? Apparently that means "and if you're going to be a sucker and turn that direction, you don't need to bother stopping at that pesky stop sign first."
Maybe I'll put up a little sign of my own. It'll read "Have a Nice Day!" I assume all the people driving down my street will correctly understand that those words actually mean "I hope you break an axle in that big old hole, or at the very least get a traffic ticket."