I Can't Complain

A Few Thoughts on Expectations

Lately on Facebook and other social media, a blog post has been circulating about how holiday celebrations for what used to be minor holidays (or not holidays at all) have gotten out of control.  I'm not going to link to the blog - if you have elementary school-age children you probably know which one I'm talking about, and if you don't, you probably don't care.

Anyway, the main point of the post was that "over-achieving" parents that make a party out of St. Patrick's Day, Pi Day, Arbor Day and the third Monday of every month are making life hard for the parents who don't want to do that stuff.  In fact, I just re-read the blog today and there's an addendum that basically says that - "You should do whatever you want at home, but don't do it where my kids can see it, because then they're disappointed that I didn't do it."  The addendum also implies that anyone who was offended by the original post is probably offended because they're That Parent and they should rethink their choices.

(I wasn't terribly offended, but I admit I was a little perplexed, and somewhat annoyed.  I realize that some people reading this may well think I'm That Parent.  I make homemade Valentine's Day cards, I replicate things I found on Pinterest, and yes, I even give goody bags at birthday parties.  Everyone should feel free to get their stones ready to throw.)

So the main problem, from what I can gather from the blog and comments thereto, is not the over-commercialization of formerly religious holidays (see, e.g. Easter) or creation of made up holidays (see, e.g. Pi Day), but that my doing something I enjoy, for my kid who also enjoys it, is causing your kids to have unrealistic expectations of you.  And if that's your real problem, I honestly don't care.  Last time I checked, it was not my duty to make sure that everything I do is exactly in line with what you would do, so that your children don't expect something they can't or won't get. 

This is called parenting, folks.  Don't want to give out homemade Valentine's Day cards or throw a birthday party for every kid in the class?  Don't.  If your kid asks why not, you need to explain to them that every family does things differently, and you family does (or doesn't do) X, Y or Z.  If you object to candy in Valentine's Day cards, take it away and tell your kid your family doesn't eat candy.  Don't want to do the creepy Elf on a Shelf thing?  Don't do it, and feel free to tell your child that your family doesn't want any creepy looking elves around. (In the interest of full disclosure, we have a creepy elf - sometimes she does Pinterest stuff, mostly she just moves from place to place - and my child loves her.)

It's not my job to manage your children's expectations - it's yours. And it's not anyone's job to make sure your child never has unrealized expectations or disappointments.  Life is full expectations that aren't fulfilled, and the world is full of people who are going to get something your kid doesn't get.  Trying to prevent your kid from ever wanting without getting is just as damaging as giving them everything they ever want.

Your children have to learn to live in a world that doesn't conform to your or their expectations, and it's your job as a parent to help them do that. There are tons of things out there that my child sees other kids getting or doing and doesn't get or do. And until people stop letting their kids watch crappy Nick Jr. television shows, when I want my kid to only watch PBS Kids, or eating fast food, when I make mine eat organic fruits and vegetables, or hell, stop having more than one kid, so my only child will stop expecting a sibling, I'm not going to stop making homemade Lego-shaped gummies for class Valentine's Day cards.  If you don't want your kid to have them, that's okay. Throw them away, and explain why - because that's your job, not mine.

And by the way, if you came for a fashion post, I apologize that your expectations were not realized.  Check back tomorrow, though - I'll have photos of the shoes I custom made for the Bomber and his classmates using leather I tanned myself from a calf I raised from birth.

What I'm Wearing Friday: July 15, 2011

What? Did you think I only dress up on Wednesdays?  Actually, I was inspired by my friend, Stylishboots, and her WIWW this week. She looked all pretty and summery in her white and yellow, so I decided to try a similar look, but with my signature lime green, instead:

The pants are capri length white twill from Jag, purchased from Amazon - I obviously have them rolled down, for work. The shoes are an old favorite - Bandolino Ibigail, via Zappos, purchased for my trip the DR a few years ago. The earrings are the diamond studs my darling husband bought me for our 10th anniversary, and the necklace is a chip necklace of amethyst, peridot and clear crystal that I bought for a song, from Silver Speck.  The shirt, which I didn't have a picture for, is from Banana Republic.  I wish you could see it better, but I also have a cute blue and lime green polka dot scarf in my hair, purchased on a whim from the Bass outlet. This is a huge departure for me - I'm not normally a headband kind of girl. I also have a white 3/4 sleeve sweater to put on in case the A/C gets out of control in my office.

Also, even my toes match today:

 

I Think That Wizard Kid Lives Up the Street

You know the one... he has that funny scar on his forehead....

I know what you're saying.... "Why would a British wizard be living in Columbia, South Carolina?  And if he did live in Columbia, why on earth would he live in YOUR crazy neighborhood?  And why I am I even reading this crazy blog?!"

But I KNOW it's true.  This morning when I was out running in the dark of night, in the inferno that is a Columbia summer, all of the street lights on the block went out simultaneously. Then a few minutes later, they came back on, one by one, as if someone had used a Deluminator on them. 

See....?  What else could it be? It's Occam's razor, folks... the presence of a British wizard living in the southeastern United States is clearly a far more simple explanation than a power brown-out (or running-in-the-heat-related demential)? Right?

I know, it's so cool. Try not to be envious, mkay?

On Five O'Clock in the Morning

This morning I got up and did something different - I ran. Without anyone even chasing me.  Okay, to be fair, I ran for 30 seconds, walked for 90 seconds, ran for 30 seconds, walked for 90 seconds until I'd been in motion for 20 minutes and circled the block half a dozen times.  Those of you who actually run for fun (though frankly,, right at this moment I'm having a hard time believing anyone finds this fun) may recognize this as the first week's intervals in a couch to 5K program. 

Honestly, I don't think I really qualify as "couch" material (but if I were, I'd be a nice chintz, I think).  I work out pretty regularly and rigorously, and my cardio health is quite good.  But I was getting a little bored with the same old, same old every morning, and a nagging shoulder injury has sort of sidelined me from my usual stuff, so I decided to give running a try.

Let me just say, I am so not a runner. I am possibly the least graceful person on the face of the earth.  I trip over lines painted on the sidewalk and have been known to fall over while standing still. And we won't count the number of times I've hit the corner of my desk, despite the two-and-a-half feet of clearance between it and the wall.

But this isn't about my running or my lack of grace. It's about 5:00 AM.  Now, I am no stranger to 5:00 AM - I get up most weekday mornings at 5:00 AM and work out.  In the comfort and safety of my living room. Five AM out in the mean streets of my 'hood is completely different. 

First off, it's dark. No, really...I mean, yes, it's always dark when I get up to work out, but in my living room, I have a lamp and a TV on. Oh sure, there's street lights, and an inordinate number of my neighbors leave their porch lights on all night, but still... it's nighttime. It's dark.

Also, apparently 5:15 AM is the time to run your automatic sprinklers in my neighborhood.  I didn't even realize so many of my neighbors HAD sprinklers. On the bright side, hearing that telltale sputtering, just before you get nailed with a shot of cold water certainly does get your adrenaline going.

And spider webs! Don't those damn spiders have anything better to do than build webs across the sidewalks in the middle of the night? Shouldn't they be asleep or something? Geez.

The sidewalk is also completely different in the middle of the night.  When you're walking along it on the way to the park, all those cracks and bumps are insignificant. When you're running in the dark while being pelted with water and fighting off giant spiders, they seem like Mt. Everest and the Grand Canyon.

Finally, and this has nothing whatsoever to do with the time of day, but I really need to get a better playlist if i'm going to keep doing this running thing. This morning I just set it to my 25 most played, and found myself running to selections from Whaddaya Think of That?  Which is a fine album, for sure, but not what I want to be running to at 5:00 in the morning.

 

What I'm Wearing Wednesday: June 22, 2011

Today's outfit is all out of the archives (i.e. clothes I've had around long enough that I can't find pictures of them on the internet). In fact, these pants are so old, they fit when I bought them, then got relegated to the way too tight pile after the Bomber was born, very briefly fit again, and then ended up in the waaaaaay too loose pile after I lost 25 lbs. Never fear, though, I didn't gain it all back - I had them taken in (A LOT) by Nick the Amazing Tailor. 

The pants are a brown silk & linen blend with light pink pinstripes, which you can't see in this photo. The shirt is light pink, and I have a brown cami underneath it that you also can't see in the picture. (Great photography, eh?)  All are Banana Republic, and I think they all came from the outlet, but not all at the same time.

As usual, you can't see my shoes, but they're summer favorites of mine. They're made by Guess and the style is called Gwargentina.

The jewelry is brown wood of various kinds and came home with me from the Dominican Republic. Necklace:

And bracelet (which is actually also a necklace, wrapped around my wrist three times):

The cat box is a blue and silver self-cleaning box from Omega Paw.

   


Just checking to see if anyone actually makes it down to the bottom... It is a nice cat box, though.  Oh, and that's not my cat. This is my cat:

She's much nicer to look at than the cat box. She won't let me stand on her (or even in front of her) while I take pictures of myself, though. She's funny like that.

 

What I'm Wearing Wednesday: May 25, 2011

I realize that the vast majority of my blogging lately has been about what I'm wearing. I've been having a lot of trouble for the last few months thinking of things to say that don't involve worries about what to do with my kid this summer and whether I have all the correct forms in for him to attend kindergarten, so I've been using this as sort of an easy way to keep at it. I really hope someday I manage to write about something else again, but for now here's another week of what I'm wearing. 

No bathroom in this one - it occurred to me that I have a timer on my camera, so I spent about 10 minutes this morning racing back and forth in my office between the bookcase and my credenza trying to get a decent photograph. It's REALLY hard to take a picture of yourself from a camera placed below your waist level in which you don't end up looking stupidly down at the camera.  I finally resorted to looking away entirely, so the picture looks like I'm just standing around my office daydreaming.  Which is silly, because I wouldn't bother standing up to daydream. I can do that just fine at my desk.

Here's the individual pieces:

Skirt, shoes and tank are from New York & Co. The necklace is a pendant with ancient Roman glass, which Larry picked up at this gallery when he was in Chicago for the SFN meeting. Not pictured is a cream cardigan sweater which I've had since last year, at least.  I'm not sure it's the exact right thing, but it's the best I had this morning.  I also think I might go with a bigger necklace next time - I think the pendant gets a little lost.  Here's how it all looks on me:

"Hmmm....does that cloud look a bunny to anyone else?" 

Also, holy COW, are my knees bony! Why didn't one of you tell me?!?

I Can't Complain (But Sometimes I'm Still Blue)

I've been feeling pretty blue lately, for a variety of reasons, but as my husband has pointed out, I really have very little to be unhappy about. Which isn't to say I think that only people with "real" problems are allowed to be sad or unhappy, but I do think it's good to remind one's self of the good things once in awhile, just to keep everything in perspective. With that in mind, in no particular order, I bring you a few things that make me happy:

1. A sleeping Bomber.  Aside from the fact that he doesn't talk (much) while he's asleep, when he's asleep, I can still see the tiny infant he once was - in the expression on his face, the way he still holds his hands in his Han-Solo-Meets-Carbonite pose, and the tiny bit of drool running down his chin. Awake, he's all little boy who knows everything, but asleep, he's still my baby. 

2. Larry. He's all kinds of awesome. I don't know what I can say that doesn't sound ridiculously sappy, but I got seriously lucky when I met him.  He's cute, funny, understanding, thoughtful, a good father, an awesome partner, and the only person I can even imagine spending the rest of my life with.  He puts up with me when I'm moody and unpleasant, and tries to make me smile when I'm down. Yeah, he's a keeper.

3. Donuts. I really like donuts. I used to be fairly apathetic toward them.  I mean, I'd eat one and enjoy it, but I didn't have any particular love for them.  When I was pregnant, though, I craved them all the time, and the craving stayed with me afterwards.  Since almost five years has now passed, I figure the craving's not going away, so I might as well just embrace them. Figuratively, of course, since embracing donuts literally would be kind of sticky. But actually, it might also be kind of nice...mmm.... donuts...mmmm.... wait, what was I saying? *ahem*

4. The Money Eating House.  Not only am I grateful to have a roof over my head and the means to afford it, but I am especially grateful for the MEH in particular.  Yes, it eats money. A lot of money.  But there's nothing like walking on floors  that have been there for 106 years and wondering who else's feet have walked there, or shoving open a window and thinking about someone throwing the same window open in the spring of 1906 or so, and  taking in a deep breath of sweet-smelling southern air. So even though the walls aren't plumb, the windows aren't level, and nothing is either a standard size, nor the same size from one room to the next, I wouldn't choose to live anywhere else. 

5. Exercise.  Yeah, I have to get up at 5 AM to do it, but there's nothing like a great workout (or really, even a bad workout) to give your day a boost - even if you do nothing else that day, you've already accomplished something at the end of your workout.  And it can be motivation for eating healthy (why ruin all that work you dragged your butt out of bed at the crack of dawn for) or justification for eating something "bad" (hey, I worked out! I can have a donut! mmm....donuts....mmmmmm.....wait, what was I saying?)

6. Margaritas. Larry makes really good ones. I mean, REALLY good ones.  I could tell you the recipe, but then I'd have to kill you.  They're that good. He mixed up a post-rapture-five-year-old-birthday-party recovery batch this weekend, and they were TAY. STEE. And there's still some in the 'fridge...

So, there you go. Half a dozen things that make life pretty great. A lot of the stuff that's got me down is still there and getting me down, but I truly do have nothing to complain about (though I reserve the right to continue to do so), and lots of stuff to be happy about.

What I'm Wearing Wednesday: May 18, 2011

This week's WIWW is mostly stuff I've had awhile (awhile being defined as "before I started saving the vendor's photos of everything I buy, in case I need it for WIWW), so very little in the way of preliminary pictures.  

I am wearing my new favorite shoes, these Born clogs, purchased from Zappos earlier in the spring:

 

I'm also wearing some bead jewelry that Larry bought me as a gift, from an Etsy seller, I think:

The rest is pretty standard stuff - khaki stretch straight-leg pants and a khaki stretch two button jacket (one of which is currently missing, actually) from NY & Company, a super-old black stretchy top from Ann Taylor, and black belt, also from NY & Co..   Here's how it all looks:

I really need to replace that button.  Some remind me when I get home, mkay?

 

Also, it's Wordless Wednesday on Stinky Diapers!

 

What I'm Wearing Wednesday: May 11, 2011

Another Wednesday, another picture of my bathroom.  This time the photos I took this morning in my bathroom at home were so insanely bad that I had to try again in the bathroom on my floor at work. Glamorous, eh?

Anyway, here are the individual pieces:

The jacket and skirt are new this spring. The skirt is something a little different for me - I don't normally wear animal prints, except in very small (accessory-sized) doses, but I really like the cut and style of this skirt, and I think it looks cute and fun with the safari-style linen jacket.  I really need to find a nice pith helmet. 

The shoes are old stand-bys, from Zappos at least two years ago, but I love them and they go pretty well with this outfit, I think.  The cami is also a stand-by - from Delia's. It's actually off-white with coffee-colored trim - that picture doesn't do much for it.

Anyway, here's how I look in the outfit, and also how I look in the bathroom at work: 

I totally got busted while taking this photo by one my coworkers, who undoubtedly now thinks I'm some kind of bathroom-photo-taking-perv. So I hope you all appreciate this.
 

 

I Should Have Just Bought a Nice Painting

Fifteen years, 11 months and 18 days ago, I walked up to the front of a crowded courtyard full of people wearing black robes and goofy-looking hats, and accepted my juris doctorate from the dean of a fine institute of higher learning in scenic Camden, New Jersey. 

Four and a half hours ago, I put this:

In here:

The last payment, EVER, on my law school loans. It took 5832 days, three deferments, one consolidation, and a LOT of patience and understanding from my husband, who married me despite the enormous debt I brought with me, but I have finally paid off that very expensive piece of wall decor I purchased back in 1995:

I've still got some empty wall space, though....maybe it's time for the next degree!